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Ok the stories are great. I was wondering if one of you had nothing to do it might be nice to type them as one continuous story. Just a thought.

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uh yeah . . .
 
So we could maybe publish it or something? LOL

I had actually thought of that myself but I wasn't sure what we'd do with it...

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A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
 
Here ya go:

We Went searching diligently in Texas for the elusive orange cat of Arabia. We started in a town called Schneckenudeln, Germany.

Upon arriving we were met by a bodacious group of marmosets! Oddly enough the small fuzzy creatures didn't have any underpants on and we were able to see their long intestines through their flimsy long dongs .... Er .... Long johns (flannel undies) which were elegantly adorned with neon blinking Christmas ornaments. These ornaments smelled suspiciously like a tuna fish sandwich that had been in the sun way too long! I am truly disgusted by their bushy inability to cover themselves.

My senses were shocked by the searing presence of their brilliant beady little eyes. Looking down I realized that they were staring at my unit, which made me feel extremely hot and bothered. [insert appropriate smarmy 70's funk porn music here]. At this point, I felt the urge to slather myself with white out and dance nude around a totem pole. Afterwards I treated myself to a lunch of creamy pea soup and crunch and munch caramel-covered popcorn with a side dish of egg, cheese, and ketchup on a bagel.

Suddenly, I remembered that I wasn't invited to the White House Christmas party *again* this year. Bummer. So, with a glint in my eye and a pocket rocket, I then proceeded quietly to the bedroom pausing only to release a fart under the covers of the bed in the Lincoln bedroom.

Suddenly, I was awakened by strange groans coming from the oval office so I kicked down the door, only to find the room filled with a thick, pungent cloud of cigar smoke and there sat the White House cat, Socks diligently pawing at his master's cigar smoking machine that had been turned on to mask the smell of something fishy.

Suddenly - the door closed behind me and I found myself staring at Mrs. Clinton's backside. Blushing, she said, "oh, I thought you were Newt Gingrich." I approached her and gently and took her chubby little hand in mine. As we entered the Lincoln Bedroom together, she reached over and grabbed my schwanson (use your imagination here folks), and with the other hand she lovingly fondled my bright red necktie.

SUDDENLY...[cue ominous music] The bathroom door popped open. My schwanson let me know in no uncertain terms that it was time to rise to the occasion With great anticipation I applied the free gift I got at Trojancondoms.com and then I discovered, to my dismay, it was the wrong color.

To keep the passion flowing I licked her ear. While caressing her my tongue got caught on the zipper! Yeeeowwwtchhh!!!!!!!!!! After dislodging my tongue from her zipper, I carefully resumed my feisty licking of her nose. Why she had a zipper on her nose is beyond me. I then motioned for Monica (who was hanging out in the Oval Office for some reason) to join us and just as she was removing her snug-fitting blue dress, a wet spot could be seen on the blue dress which made me wonder how the hell Socks mistook Monica for his litter box.

Monica & Hillary approached each other and shook hands. They then embraced and proceeded to hold each other in their arms for the rest of the night. But before that they met up with Linda Tripp to eat dinner and invited Jennifer Flowers for desert. Quietly, huddled in the corner of the restaurant, they conspired to escape the wrath of big bill; so they left the restaurant and hopped on a bus headed towards Boise, Idaho. But, on the way there they decided to hijack the bus and head to Mexico where they met up w/a group of biker dudes who were on their way to contact a man about purchasing some black market about some penicillin in anticipation of a night of reckless abandon, sweating over each other's hot slippery kitchen floor. It was just mopped and waxed and you what that means.

We slid into the bedroom where we proceeded to a warm bubble bath and drank cheap booze out of a brown bag, and then champagne and sprayed whipped cream all over our chubby bodies w/a cherry on top, then we licked it off each other. Next we, brought out the warm chocolate syrup and ran naked through the neighborhood and met up with Teddy Kennedy at the Lincoln Memorial where we all scared all the dogs with our jiggly flesh.

The women were drawn to the Washington Monument where the men all felt very inadequate! Next, they headed for the Lincoln Memorial, because everyone knows that the steps of the Lincoln Memorial are paved with ice cream and large chunks of supersized crumbled Oreos that are shaped like large chunks o'manhood.

Teddy, under the heavy influence of alcohol, invited all of his newfound friends to join him for a joyride whereupon they all unanimously screamed "NO! Uhhh.. You go on ahead Teddy, we'll catch up with you later!" Teddy shrugged, entered his Ford Taurus and continued on his merry way, humming "On the road again..."

"Whew, I don't know about you guys, but I have a feewing Teddy's going to get into some twouble" said Senator Barney Fife. Barney Fife then decided to don his purple spandex and go dancing to "techno" at the local bar. Be vewwwy caweful, he said cuz you never know when a gowwiwwa (gorilla) will jump out of nowhere and eat your glowsticks.

Barney was bored, so he pulled his life-size blow-up doll out of the trunk and hit the "detonate" button, and the "blow-up" doll blew up. Unfortunately, Barney's eyes, which were extremely dialated for some "unknown" reason couldn't handle the light from the explosion, so he staggered blindly until he fell into the mirror pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial when who should appear but the ghost of Lincoln himself. Lincoln stood over Fife and said how dare you lie intoxicated with a blown up blow up doll in the pool of my monument! Why, if you lived in the times of the founding fathers I'd give you a power bomber wedgie!

"Unfortunately," said Mr. Lincoln, "I don't really know what a wedgie is. I've just heard those stupid kids that run around here mentioning it. But I'll be gosh darned if it doesn't sound painful as heck!" With that in mind, Mr. Lincoln proceeded to give the senator a wedgie.

Suddenly, good ol' Honest Abe caught sight of Barney's glowsticks and proceeded to boogie down. And found it to be quite enjoyable. Then the abe-ster asked if Barney could give HIM a wedgie. Barney was more than happy to oblige, and one thing led to another, and Barney and Abe found another way to "boogie down."

Fife, in all of his drunkenness decided he went nuts, proceeded to vomit and passed out. He then woke up to a beautiful full figured woman by the name of "Large Marge" with luscious ruby-red lips, striking electric blue eyeshadow, and monstrous cannons, sat on Barney's glowstick. Barney got so excited that some of the green glowing goo in his glowstick flowed forth. Large Marge then proceeded to lick up the glow stick goo and began to glow, herself. Barney said "ooh a glow worm" and began squeezing her sides.

Bill Clinton and Monica and Hillary appeared out of nowhere and Monica and Hillary proceeded to fight it out. Large Marge, sensing competition, instinctually ate the squabbling Monica and Hilary and finally put an end to their battle over glowsticks.

Throughout the entire land, there was much rejoicing. People fillest the streets and dranketh the beer, the wine, and the spirits. They then feasteth on the meat of the swine and cattle. Once they had their fill, they then partooketh of each other. Yea, many a glowstick findeth joy that night. And perched on his throne, hidden in the dark niches of the Lincoln Memorial, sat Kind Fife, his queen, Large Marger perched by his side.

"My lovely glow-worm," he purred, "what sayest thou that we produceth an offspring to be mine heir?"

"Mein Herr? Wissen se was? Das ist einen schlingbauser!" So screamed the jackbooted Nazi as he and his troops stormed into the room, ready to pluck Fife from his throne and take all his glowsticks Large Marge, being *very* protective of Barney's many glowsticks (be realistic now, how often do you find a guy with more than one glowstick?), charged into the Nazi battalion, eating everything in her path. Unfortunately, she missed one of the largest leaders who the advanced on Barney saying he was going to take the glowsticks or die trying it was then that the unruly group decided to have their way w/her "largeness" of Marge, who's immense womanliness could no longer be denied, but the margster would have none of it and, refusing to be had in such an unladylike fashion, undulated through the crowd, parting them like the red sea, lest it be her thighs caught them up and rubbed them to death.

After she made her way through the crowd (with Barney perched on her shoulder), she turned around let loose with the world's largest natural gas bomb. Those who sniffed the gas fell into a coma, and the few that could outrun the hazardous waste were only safe for a few seconds until the relentless cloud caught up with them. And so it was that all the world was wiped out except for Marge and her beloved Barney. As they walked off into the sunset, Barney in Marge's arms, they each held a glowstick and they were happy.


<center><FONT size="6">THE END</FONT s></center>

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A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
 
good god
lol.gif
...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"
 
it's scary how many differents roads this story travels down.

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A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
 
man taz you are crazy i didnt think anyone would actually do it. and i didnt have any clue it would be that long. anyway thanks.

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uh yeah . . .
 
That's classic, I'm going to save it.

I'm looking forward to getting those story scripts up for us to have them better formatted as a book as we go...

I'll probably work on two, one for adding a paragraph, another for the interactive stories where you can also provide 2 different paths to take, like those interactive pick-your-path adventure books most popular in the 80's.

Stay tuned, I'll be working on these story areas and the picture gallery next (along with getting the portal and links database functioning as well).

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Alien - Administrator / Owner
["Everything was true. God was an alien. Oz really is over the
rainbow. ...and Midian is where the monsters live." -Nightbreed]
 
yeah i was just thinking

we should all upload a buncha random pictures of ourselves and whatnot and there should be a gallery where people can vote on captions or write their own. that would be pretty fun.. just a thought...altho i guess this is more for suggestion box, YOU GET IT HERE! MWHAHA
 
In honor of WaterB asking for the ebonics dictionary, the hassle with 411whatever.com, and because I'm a fan of the Jive Server -
http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~eclectic/toys/jive.html

I took the story that we made - and that liltaz combined into one massive for us - and input it into the Jive Server. Without further ado, I give you:

Alien Soup Story #1, Had We Been Contemporaties of Classic Shaft

In da house ya go, dig dis:

We Went searchin' diligent-like in Texas 4 da elusive orange cat o' Arabia. We started in some town called Schneckenudeln, Germany.

Upon arrivin' we wuz met by some bodacious group o' marmosets! Oddly 'nuff da little-**** fuzzy creatures didn't have no underpants on an' we wuz able t' spot deir long intestines through deir flimsy long dongs .... Er .... Long johns (down low, flannel undies) which wuz elegant-like adorned wit' neon blinkin' Christmas ornaments. Dese-he'ah ornaments smelled suspicious-like likes some tuna fish sandwich dat had been in da sun way too long! I be truly disgusted by deir bushy inability t' cova' themselves.

Mah senses wuz shocked by da searin' presence o' deir brilliant baidy tiny-**** eyes. Peekin' waaay down I realized dat they wuz starin' at mah unit, which made me feel 'estreme-like hot an' bothered. [insert appropriate smarmy 70's funk porn beat in da house]. At dis point, I felt da **** urge t' slatha' myself wit' pale out an' boogie nude around some totem pole. Afterwards I treated myself t' some lunch o' craimy pai soup an' crunch an' munch caramel-covered popcorn wit' some side dish o' egg, cheese, an' ketchup on some bagel. Woah, Nellie!

Sudden-like, I remembered dat I waint invited t' da **** Pale Crib Christmas party *again* dis yaih'. Bumma'. So's, wit' some glint in mah eye an' some pocket rocket, I den proceeded quiet-like t' da **** bedroom pausin' only t' relaise some fart unda' da cova's o' da **** bed in da Lincoln bedroom.

Sudden-like, I wuz awakened by strange groans comin' from da oval office so's I kicked waaay down da do', only t' find da **** room filled wit' some thick, pungent cloud o' blunt puff an' dair sat da **** Pale Crib cat, Sox diligent-like pawin' at wassups masta's blunt puffin' machine dat had been turned on t' mask da smell o' sump'n fishy. No diggety.

Sudden-like - da do' closed behind me an' I found myself starin' at Mrs. Clinton's baxide. Blushin', she said, "oh, I thought yo' **** wuz Newt Gingrich." I approached ha' an' gent-like an' done took ha' chubby tiny-**** hand in mine. As we entered da **** Lincoln Bedroom togetha', she raiched ova' an' grabbed mah schwanson (down low, 'esploit yo' imaginashun in da house folks), an' wit' da **** otha' hand she lovin'-like fondled mah bright red necktie.

SUDDENLY...[cue ominous beat] Da baffroom do' popped jimmey. Mah schwanson let me know in no uncertain terms dat it wuz time t' rise t' da **** occasion Wit' great anticipashun I applied da **** free gift I gots at Trojancondoms.com an' den I discovered, t' mah dismay, it wuz da wrong color.

T' keep da passion flowin' I licked ha' aih'. While caressin' ha' mah tongue gots caught on da zippa'! Woah, Nellie! Yeeeowwwtchhh!!!!!!!!!! Afta'
dislodgin' mah tongue from ha' zippa', I careful-like resumed mah feisty lickin' o' ha' nose. 'S coo', bro. Y she had some zippa' on ha' nose be beyond me. I den moshuned 4 Monica (down low, who wuz hangin' out in da Oval Office 4 some kinda' raison) t' join us an' plum as she wuz removin' ha' snug-fittin' blue dress, some wet spot could be seen on da blue dress which made me haid-scratch how da hell Sox mistook Monica 4 wassups litta' box.

Monica & Hillary approached aich otha' an' shook hands. They den embraced an' proceeded t' hold aich otha' in deir arms 4 da rest o' da **** night. What it is, Mama! But b4 dat they met down wit' Linda Tripp t' chew dinna' an' invited Jennifa' Flowa's 4 desert. Quiet-like, huddled in da corna' o' da **** restaurant, they conspired t'escape da **** wrat' o' big-**** bill; so's they left da **** restaurant an' hopped on some bus thinka'ed towards Boise, Idaho. But, on da way dair they decided t' hijack da bus an' thinka' t' Mexico where they met down w/some group o' bika' dudes who wuz on deir way t' contact some dude about purchasin' some kinda' ebony market about some kinda' penicillin in anticipashun o' some night o' reckless abandon, sweatin' ova' aich otha's hot slippuh'y kitchen flo'. Amen! It wuz plum mopped an' waxed an' yo' **** whut dat mains. Ah be baaad...

We slid into da bedroom where we proceeded t' some warm bubble bat' an' drank chaip booze out o' some brown bag, an' den champagne an' sprayed whipped craim all ova' our chubby bodies w/some cherry on top, den we licked it off aich otha'. Next we, brought out da **** warm chocolate syrup an' ran naked through da **** ghetto an' met down wit' Teddy Kennedy at da **** Lincoln Memorial where we all scared all da dogs wit' our jigg-like flesh.

Da hos wuz drawn t' da **** Washington Monument where da **** dudes all felt real **** inadequate! Next, they thinka'ed 4 da Lincoln Memorial, becuz everyone knows dat da **** steps o' da **** Lincoln Memorial be paved wit' ice craim an' fat-**** chunks o' supuh'sized crumbled Oreos dat be shaped likes fat-**** chunks o'manhood.

Teddy, unda' da haivy influence o' juice, invited all o' wassups newfound homies t' join him 4 some joyride whereupon they all unanimous-like scraimed "N-O! Step off, Pharoah. Uhhh.. Yo' **** go on ahaid Teddy, we gots'ta catch down wit' yo' **** lata'!" Teddy shrugged, entered wassups Ford Taurus an' continued on wassups merry way, hummin' "On da road again..."

"Whew, I duzn't know about yo' **** guys, but I have some feewin' Teddy's fixin' t' git into some kinda' twouble" said Senata' Barney Fife. Barney Fife den decided t' don wassups purple spandex an' go shakin' **** t' "techno" at da **** local bah'. Be vewwwy caweful, he said cuz yo' **** neva' know when some gowwiwwa (down low, gorilla) will jump out o' nowhere an' chew yo' glowstix.

Barney wuz bo'd, so's he pulled wassups life-size blow-down doll out o' da **** trunk an' hit da **** "detonate" button, an' da **** "blow-down" doll blew down. Unfortunate-like, Barney's eyes, which wuz 'estreme-like dialated 4 some kinda' "unknown" raison couldn't handle da **** light from da 'esplosion, so's he staggered blind-like until he fell into da mirror pool in front o' da **** Lincoln Memorial when who should appaih' but da **** ghost o' Lincoln himself. Lincoln stood ova' Fife an' said how dare yo' **** lie intoxicated wit' some blown down blow down doll in da pool o' mah monument! Y, if yo' **** lived in da times o' da **** foundin' daddy-Os I'd give yo' **** some powa' bomba' wedgie!

"Unfortunate-like," said Mr. Word. Lincoln, "I duzn't tru-ly know whut some wedgie be. I've plum heard dose-dair punk-**** kids dat run around in da house menshunin' it. Step off, Pharoah. But I gots'ta be gosh darned if it doesn't sound painful as heck!" Wit' dat in mind, Mr. Lincoln proceeded t' give da **** senata' some wedgie.

Sudden-like, badass ol' Straight Abe caught sight o' Barney's glowstix an' proceeded t' boogie waaay down. An' found it t' be quite enjoyable. What a ripoff. Den da abe-sta' axed if Barney could give H-I-****in'-M some wedgie. Barney wuz mo' dan happy t'oblige, an' one **** led t'anotha', an' Barney an' Abe found anotha' way t' "boogie waaay down."

Fife, in all o' wassups drunkenness decided he went nuts, proceeded t' vomit an' passed out. He den woke down t' some dime full figured ho by da name o' "Fat-**** Marge" wit' luscious ruby-red lips, strikin' electric blue eyeshadow, an' monstrous cannons, sat on Barney's glowstick. Barney gots so's 'escited dat some kinda' o' da **** green glowin' goo in wassups glowstick flowed fort'. Fat-**** Marge den proceeded t' lick down da glow stick goo an' began t' glow, herself. Step up. Barney said "ooh some glow worm" an' began squeezin' ha' sides.

Bill Clinton an' Monica an' Hillary appeared out o' nowhere an' Monica an' Hillary proceeded t' fight it out. Fat-**** Marge, sensin' battle, instinctual-like chewed da **** squabblin' Monica an' Hilary an' final-like put some fat-lady t' deir battle ova' glowstix.

Throughout da **** entire land, dair wuz much rejoicin'. Sucka's fillest da **** alleys an' dranket' da **** 40, da wine, an' da **** spirits. They den faistet' on da meat o' da **** swine an' cattle. Once they had deir fill, they den partooket' o' aich otha'. Yai, many some glowstick findet' joy dat night. An' puh'ched on wassups throne, hidden in da night niches o' da **** Lincoln Memorial, sat Kind Fife, wassups queen, Fat-**** Marga' puh'ched by wassups side.

"Mah love-like glow-worm," he purred, "whut sayest thou dat we producet' some offsprin' t' be mine heir?"

"Mein Herr? Wissen se wuz? Das ist einen schlingbausa'!" So's scraimed da **** jackbooted Nazi as he an' wassups troops stormed into da room, raidy t' pluck Fife from wassups throne an' snatch all wassups glowstix Fat-**** Marge, bein' *real ***** protective o' Barney's many glowstix (down low, be realistic now, how often do yo' **** find some guy wit' mo' dan one glowstick?), charged into da Nazi battalion, chewin' everythin' in ha' pat'. Unfortunate-like, she missed one o' da **** largest laida's who da advanced on Barney sayin' he wuz fixin' t' snatch da **** glowstix o' die tryin' it wuz den dat da **** unru-like group decided t' have deir way w/ha' "largeness" o' Marge, who's immense womanliness could no longa' be denied, but da **** margsta' would have none o' it an', refusin' t' be had in such some unladylike fashion, undulated through da **** crowd, partin' them likes da red sai, lest it be ha' thighs caught them down an' rubbed them t' deat'.

Afta' she made ha' way through da **** crowd (down low, wit' Barney puh'ched on ha' shoulda'), she turned around let loose wit' da **** world's largest natural gas bomb. Dose-dair who sniffed da **** gas fell into some coma, an' da **** few dat could outrun da hazardous waste wuz only safe 4 some few seconds until da relentless cloud caught down wit' them. An' so's it wuz dat all da world wuz wiped out 'escept 4 Marge an' ha' beloved Barney. As they ankled off into da sunset, Barney in Marge's arms, they aich held some glowstick an' they wuz happy.

D-A FAT-LADY

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My knob tastes funny.

<font color="#000000">[Edited by possum37 on August 11, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>
 
Oh Geez, Poss...

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."

- Woodrow Wilson
 
Swedish Chef style:


Ve-a Vent seercheeng deeligently in Texes fur zee ilooseefe-a oorunge-a cet ooff Erebeea. Ve-a sterted in a toon celled Schneckenoodeln, Germuny. Bork bork bork! Upun erreefing ve-a vere-a met by a budeceeuoos gruoop ooff mermusets! Ooddly inuoogh zee smell foozzy creetoores deedn't hefe-a uny underpunts oon und ve-a vere-a eble-a tu see-a zeeur lung intesteenes thruoogh zeeur fleemsy lung dungs .... Ir .... Lung juhns (flunnel undeees) vheech vere-a ileguntly edurned veet neun bleenking Chreestmes oornements. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zeese-a oornements smelled soospeeciuoosly leeke-a a toona feesh sundveech thet hed beee in zee soon vey tuu lung! I em trooly deesgoosted by zeeur booshy inebeelity tu cufer zeemselfes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! My senses vere-a shucked by zee seereeng presence-a ooff zeeur breelliunt beedy leettle-a iyes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Luukeeng doon I reeleezed thet zeey vere-a stereeng et my uneet, vheech mede-a me-a feel ixtremely hut und buzeered. Bork bork bork! [insert epprupreeete-a smermy 70's foonk purn mooseec here-a]. Et thees pueent, I felt zee urge-a tu slezeer myselff veet vheete-a oooot und dunce-a noode-a eruoond a tutem pule-a. Effterverds I treeted myselff tu a loonch ooff creemy pea suoop und croonch und moonch ceremel-cufered pupcurn veet a seede-a deesh ooff igg, cheese-a, und ketchoop oon a begel. Sooddenly, I remembered thet I vesn't infeeted tu zee Vheete-a Huoose-a Chreestmes perty *egeeen* thees yeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Boommer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Su, veet a gleent in my iye-a und a pucket rucket, I zeen pruceeded qooeeetly tu zee bedruum pooseeng oonly tu releese-a a fert under zee cufers ooff zee bed in zee Leenculn bedruum. Sooddenly, I ves evekened by strunge-a gruuns cumeeng frum zee oofel ooffffeece-a su I keecked doon zee duur, oonly tu feend zee ruum feelled veet a theeck, poongent cluood ooff ceeger smuke-a und zeere-a set zee Vheete-a Huoose-a cet, Sucks deeligently peveeng et hees mester's ceeger smukeeng mecheene-a thet hed beee toorned oon tu mesk zee smell ooff sumetheeng feeshy. Bork bork bork! Sooddenly - zee duur clused beheend me-a und I fuoond myselff stereeng et Mrs. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Cleentun's beckseede-a. Bloosheeng, she-a seeed, "ooh, I thuooght yuoo vere-a Noot Geengrich." I epprueched her und gently und tuuk her choobby leettle-a hund in meene-a. Es ve-a intered zee Leenculn Bedruum tugezeer, she-a reeched oofer und grebbed my schvunsun (use-a yuoor imegeeneshun here-a fulks), und veet zee oozeer hund she-a lufeengly fundled my breeght red neckteee-a. SOoDDENLY...[cooe-a oomeenuoos mooseec] Zee bethruum duur pupped oopee. My schvunsun let me-a knoo in nu uncerteeen terms thet it ves teeme-a tu reese-a tu zee oocceseeun Veet greet unteecipeshun I eppleeed zee free-a geefft I gut et Trujuncundums. Um gesh dee bork, bork!**** und zeen I deescufered, tu my deesmey, it ves zee vrung culur. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Tu keep zee pesseeun flooeeng I leecked her ier. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Vheele-a ceresseeng her my tungooe-a gut cooght oon zee zeepper! Yeeeoovvtchhh!!!!!!!!!! Effter deesludging my tungooe-a frum her zeepper, I cereffoolly resoomed my feeesty leecking ooff her nuse-a. Vhy she-a hed a zeepper oon her nuse-a is beyund me-a. I zeen mushuned fur Muneeca (vhu ves hungeeng oooot in zee Oofel Ooffffeece-a fur sume-a reesun) tu jueen us und joost es she-a ves remufeeng her snoog-feetting blooe-a dress, a vet sput cuoold be-a seee oon zee blooe-a dress vheech mede-a me-a vunder hoo zee hell Sucks meestuuk Muneeca fur hees leetter bux. Muneeca & Heellery epprueched iech oozeer und shuuk hunds. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zeey zeen imbreced und pruceeded tu huld iech oozeer in zeeur erms fur zee rest ooff zee neeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. Boot beffure-a thet zeey met up veet Leenda Treepp tu iet deenner und infeeted Jenneeffer Flooers fur desert. Um de hur de hur de hur. Qooeeetly, hooddled in zee curner ooff zee restoorunt, zeey cunspured tu iscepe-a zee vret ooff beeg beell; su zeey lefft zee restoorunt und hupped oon a boos heeded tooerds Bueese-a, Idehu. Boot, oon zee vey zeere-a zeey deceeded tu heejeck zee boos und heed tu Mexeecu vhere-a zeey met up v/a gruoop ooff beeker doodes vhu vere-a oon zeeur vey tu ****ect a mun ebuoot poorcheseeng sume-a bleck merket ebuoot sume-a peneecillin in unteecipeshun ooff a neeght ooff reckless ebundun, sveeteeng oofer iech oozeer's hut sleeppery keetchee fluur. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! It ves joost mupped und vexed und yuoo vhet thet meuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Ve-a sleed intu zee bedruum vhere-a ve-a pruceeded tu a verm boobble-a bet und drunk cheep buuze-a oooot ooff a broon beg, und zeen chempegne-a und spreyed vheepped creem ell oofer oooor choobby budeees v/a cherry oon tup, zeen ve-a leecked it ooffff iech oozeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Next ve-a, bruooght oooot zee verm chuculete-a syroop und run neked thruoogh zee neeeghburhuud und met up veet Teddy Kennedy et zee Leenculn Memureeel vhere-a ve-a ell scered ell zee dugs veet oooor jeeggly flesh. Zee vumee vere-a drevn tu zee Vesheengtun Munooment vhere-a zee mee ell felt fery inedeqooete-a! Next, zeey heeded fur zee Leenculn Memureeel, becoose-a iferyune-a knoos thet zee steps ooff zee Leenculn Memureeel ere-a pefed veet ice-a creem und lerge-a choonks ooff sooperseezed croombled Ooreus thet ere-a sheped leeke-a lerge-a choonks oo'munhuud. Bork bork bork! Teddy, under zee heefy infflooence-a ooff elcuhul, infeeted ell ooff hees nooffuoond freeends tu jueen heem fur a juyreede-a vhereoopun zeey ell ununeemuoosly screemed "NO! Uhhh.. Yuoo gu oon eheed Teddy, ve'll cetch up veet yuoo leter!" Teddy shroogged, intered hees Furd Tooroos und ****eenooed oon hees merry vey, hoommeeng "Oon zee rued egeeen. Bork bork bork!.." "Vhoo, I dun't knoo ebuoot yuoo gooys, boot I hefe-a a feooeeng Teddy's gueeng tu get intu sume-a tvuooble-a" seeed Senetur Berney Feeffe-a. Berney Feeffe-a zeen deceeded tu dun hees poorple-a spundex und gu dunceeng tu "technu" et zee lucel ber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Be-a foovvy ceveffool, he-a seeed cooz yuoo nefer knoo vhee a gooveevva (gureella) veell joomp oooot ooff noohere-a und iet yuoor gloosteecks. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Berney ves bured, su he-a poolled hees leeffe-a-seeze-a bloo-up dull oooot ooff zee troonk und heet zee "detunete-a" boottun, und zee "bloo-up" dull bloo up. Unffurtoonetely, Berney's iyes, vheech vere-a ixtremely deeeleted fur sume-a "unknoon" reesun cuooldn't hundle-a zee leeght frum zee ixpluseeun, su he-a steggered bleendly unteel he-a fell intu zee murrur puul in frunt ooff zee Leenculn Memureeel vhee vhu shuoold eppeer boot zee ghust ooff Leenculn heemselff. Leenculn stuud oofer Feeffe-a und seeed hoo dere-a yuoo leee-a intuxeeceted veet a bloon up bloo up dull in zee puul ooff my munooment! Vhy, iff yuoo leefed in zee teemes ooff zee fuoondeeng fezeers I'd geefe-a yuoo a pooer bumber vedgeee-a! "Unffurtoonetely," seeed Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Leenculn, "I dun't reelly knoo vhet a vedgeee-a is. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I'fe-a joost heerd thuse-a stoopeed keeds thet roon eruoond here-a menshuneeng it. Um de hur de hur de hur. Boot I'll be-a gush derned iff it duesn't suoond peeenffool es heck!" Veet thet in meend, Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Leenculn pruceeded tu geefe-a zee senetur a vedgeee-a. Sooddenly, guud ool' Hunest Ebe-a cooght seeght ooff Berney's gloosteecks und pruceeded tu buugeee-a doon. Bork bork bork! Und fuoond it tu be-a qooeete-a injuyeble-a. Zeen zee ebe-a-ster esked iff Berney cuoold geefe-a HIM a vedgeee-a. Berney ves mure-a thun heppy tu oobleege-a, und oone-a theeng led tu unuzeer, und Berney und Ebe-a fuoond unuzeer vey tu "buugeee-a doon. Bork bork bork!" Feeffe-a, in ell ooff hees droonkenness deceeded he-a vent noots, pruceeded tu fumeet und pessed oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. He-a zeen vuke-a up tu a beooteeffool fooll feegoored vumun by zee neme-a ooff "Lerge-a Merge-a" veet loosceeuoos rooby-red leeps, streeking ilectreec blooe-a iyeshedoo, und munstruoos cunnuns, set oon Berney's gloosteeck. Berney gut su ixceeted thet sume-a ooff zee greee glooeeng guu in hees gloosteeck flooed furt. Lerge-a Merge-a zeen pruceeded tu leeck up zee gloo steeck guu und begun tu gloo, herselff. Berney seeed "oouh a gloo vurm" und begun sqooeezeeng her seedes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Beell Cleentun und Muneeca und Heellery eppeered oooot ooff noohere-a und Muneeca und Heellery pruceeded tu feeght it oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. Lerge-a Merge-a, senseeng cumpeteeshun, insteenctooelly ete-a zee sqooebbleeng Muneeca und Heelery und feenelly poot un ind tu zeeur bettle-a oofer gloosteecks. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Thruooghuoot zee inture-a lund, zeere-a ves mooch rejueecing. Peuple-a feellest zee streets und drunket zee beer, zee veene-a, und zee spureets. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zeey zeen feestet oon zee meet ooff zee sveene-a und cettle-a. Oonce-a zeey hed zeeur feell, zeey zeen pertuuket ooff iech oozeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Yea, muny a gloosteeck feendet juy thet neeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. Und perched oon hees thrune-a, heeddee in zee derk neeches ooff zee Leenculn Memureeel, set Keend Feeffe-a, hees qooeee, Lerge-a Merger perched by hees seede-a. "My lufely gloo-vurm," he-a poorred, "vhet seyest thuoo thet ve-a prudoocet un ooffffspreeng tu be-a meene-a heur?" "Meeen Herr? Veessee se-a ves? Des ist ieenee schleengbooser!" Su screemed zee jeckbuuted Nezee es he-a und hees truups sturmed intu zee ruum, reedy tu ploock Feeffe-a frum hees thrune-a und teke-a ell hees gloosteecks Lerge-a Merge-a, beeeng *fery* prutecteefe-a ooff Berney's muny gloosteecks (be-a reeleestic noo, hoo oofftee du yuoo feend a gooy veet mure-a thun oone-a gloosteeck?), cherged intu zee Nezee betteleeun, ieteeng iferytheeng in her pet. Unffurtoonetely, she-a meessed oone-a ooff zee lergest leeders vhu zee edfunced oon Berney seyeeng he-a ves gueeng tu teke-a zee gloosteecks oor deee-a tryeeng it ves zeen thet zee unrooly gruoop deceeded tu hefe-a zeeur vey v/her "lergeness" ooff Merge-a, vhu's immense-a vumunleeness cuoold nu lunger be-a deneeed, boot zee mergster vuoold hefe-a nune-a ooff it und, reffooseeng tu be-a hed in sooch un unledyleeke-a fesheeun, undooleted thruoogh zee crood, perteeng zeem leeke-a zee red sea, lest it be-a her theeghs cooght zeem up und roobbed zeem tu deet. Effter she-a mede-a her vey thruoogh zee crood (veet Berney perched oon her shuoolder), she-a toorned eruoond let luuse-a veet zee vurld's lergest netoorel ges bumb. Thuse-a vhu sneeffffed zee ges fell intu a cuma, und zee foo thet cuoold ooootroon zee hezerduoos veste-a vere-a oonly seffe-a fur a foo secunds unteel zee relentless cluood cooght up veet zeem. Und su it ves thet ell zee vurld ves veeped oooot ixcept fur Merge-a und her belufed Berney. Bork bork bork! Es zeey velked ooffff intu zee soonset, Berney in Merge's erms, zeey iech held a gloosteeck und zeey vere-a heppy. Bork bork bork! THE IND



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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."

- Woodrow Wilson
 
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